The Power of Presence

What makes you feel present?

Are you ever aware of not being present?

I had a dance teacher who as he watched me dance told me every time I ‘disappeared’. It was a complete mystery to me what he meant. I felt the same from one moment to the next. I was there, wasn’t I? Executing the steps, moving across that floor in that room – how could I disappear? He also told me that I was a beautiful dancer with fluid movement and gorgeous line – but he didn’t choose me to be in his performing company. He did ask me to help distribute flyers, drive him to the airport, bounce ideas around, collect props and fabric for costumes and deliver press releases.

Since then I’ve learned something about appearing and disappearing. When I saw him again a year ago, I drove him to the airport (our special ritual). He gave me a hug and said something like ‘It’s so good to have something to wrap my arms around – you’re still the same and yet feel much more substantial. I used to hug a fragile, elusive Bridget. I was always afraid that, ghost-like, you’d pass right through me, and I’d lose you.’

There are still occasions when I feel invisible. I speak and nobody responds, or I make some comment to contribute to the discussion and after a split second pause, somebody changes the subject. But I can tell when I am doing my old disappearing act. I find that when I need to, I can hide but still be present to myself.

When I am present I feel: substantial, strong, resilient, responsive, caring, open, ready, vibrant, active, in relationship, connected, heart-centered, immune to criticism, the Life shines through me.

When I disappear it’s sometimes subtle, other times not so subtle, but I feel: the need for your approval, defensive, faintly confused and vague. At worst I feel weak, hurt, breathless, small, withdrawn, pale, retreating way back inside my head, scared and vulnerable.

One of the most valuable tools for discovering presence has been my exploration of natural law. The primary natural law is one we all have to experience at the moment of birth. After approximately 9 months of perfect paradise, where we float in warm ocean, ever nourished and protected, the sound of love reverberating through our developing self, we emerge head first into a whole new world. We have no choice but to orient ourselves in gravity and very soon after that, the second natural law draws us to orient ourselves in space as we turn towards love and nourishment in the form of mother.

The environment outside the womb is utterly different and yet, if all goes well we continue to experience love.

As babies our work is exploring our relationship to gravity and space. Curiosity, playfulness, and sensory awareness lead us to experiment and persevere until one day we stand, walk and eventually, in a very non-linear way, we become more or less independent. Along the way for a variety of reasons we rely on others for support, to make us feel better, to show us, rescue us, heal us, to give our lives meaning, to make us feel loved. We begin to live outside the law and as a result, believe we are disconnected from ourselves, others and our world. This leads to stress, distress, tension, discord, disease – and disappearance.

Remembering, re-discovering and experiencing our weight on the earth, our weight supported through our bones, literally evokes the feeling of love, just as we felt it enfolded in our mother’s arms. We experience a kind of awakening, a re-emergence of self, a strengthening presence.

Awareness through Movement® gives you, time and again, the opportunity to experience yourself present and connected through movement explorations in the field of gravity, which increases your capacity for learning about yourself. Over and over again, as you sense the life-giving experience of your place in the world, your self emerges, whole and vibrant.

Enhance and enrich your explorations by paying attention to the following aspects of living in gravity:

* the law of least effort
As you do any of the movements reduce the effort until it’s almost a thought or a product of your imagination. The less you do, the more you discover about your holding patterns and your habitual actions and behaviors. Doing less implies fewer distractions and noticing more, which leads to ease, grace and effective being.

* the law of attention
Whatever you pay attention to is energized and expands in your awareness. You can focus your attention on one thing, for example, the movement of your head, and you can have an open attention where you watch what arises moment by moment; you can also observe how your attention moves.

* the law of intention
observe that the intention to move in any given way is enough to engage your muscles for the movement. It’s almost as if the intention is the movement. Have the intention and observe the result. Effortlessness again.

* the law of non-judgment
We are very good at controlling, analyzing, defining, deciding and believing. All of these mental gymnastics limit our experience. I like to remind myself to have ‘no comment’. The result is that I notice so much more and am not pulled into one perspective. Related to my ‘no comment’ outlook is my favorite aphorism: ‘Notice everything, believe nothing.’

* the law of detachment
As I observe my movement, noticing everything without comment, I also find myself looking for security and familiarity. This indicates to me how attached I might be to certainty and a particular outcome. It is necessary for my evolution and transformation to let go of attachment to outcomes and revel in the unknown. Anything and everything then becomes possible.

These laws are not in any order of importance. Of necessity they have to be described in some kind of order but you can see how they are inter-related – which actually leads to another law – the law of inter-connection, inter-relatedness, inter-correlation and integration.

We have all thought about these ideas, written about them perhaps, certainly talked about them. But the magic is in experiencing them so that our whole being blossoms. It becomes clear in the experience that these natural laws are spiritual laws:

* the law of least effort:
Accept that this moment is as it should be. Struggling against this moment is struggling against the whole universe.

* the law of attention and intention:
Attention energizes (and whatever you withdraw your attention from withers, disintegrates and disappears). Intention transforms and intention without attachment leads to life-centered, present moment awareness.

* the law of non-judgment:
Ego thrives on approval, the need to control and the need for external power. When we live to our potential we are free of limitations, resist always trying to please others or to be well thought of. We live in a state of grace, silence, stillness and non-judgment.

* the law of detachment:
We learn to let go of anxiety about outcomes, relinquish the need for results and find ourselves in the field of all possibilities where we have an infinity of choices.

Clearly, as we experience clearer presence we also experience grace, ease, potential, freedom and choice. The presence we experience is the Presence of God.

Living in accordance with these natural laws is practicing the Presence, where simply rolling your head is an experience of timelessness and grace.

Every time we practice we learn more of what it is to be human. We also learn about our essential nature as an expression of Life.

Self Reflections

I'm fascinated by the asymmetry of our faces. When I look at people in photographs or ads, I sometimes cover one half of their face, and then the other - it's extraordinary how the left side has a certain personality, attitude, feeling about it that is quite different to the right side.

I had an interesting experience at the Pacific Science Center in Seattle recently. I visited a booth where your asymmetry is revealed. First you sit in front of the mirror and line up your reflection so that a dotted line goes through your nose, hopefully down the center of your face. Well, my nose isn't straight. It curves right, and actually my head is turned slightly left, and I should also mention that my right ear is closer to my right shoulder than my left ear is to my left shoulder...However, once the dotted line ran down the approximate midline of my face, I pressed a big yellow button. My image stared back at me in a familiar way. There were 4 smaller buttons to press:

#1 showed me my mirror image. Yes, that's who I see every morning. I don't even notice the crookedness of my nose anymore.

#2 showed me as others see me. This was confusing. I look like that? It's somehow opposite to what I expected. My mirror image is what I believe to be true. Because I see me facing myself that way, it's peculiar to see myself, life size, in what looks like a mirror, but isn't. In the mirror my nose is turning right, but actually it's turning left. Oh no - it's just a different perspective! If it were truly me I was seeing facing me (which #2 indeed was), then my right side would be on MY left.

#3 put my face together so that the right side matched the left side. In other words, it made my face symmetrical to the left side. Not only was this weird in that Leftie had a narrow face, pinched nose, turned down mouth and a scary wide-eyed direct gaze, but, because I'm used to seeing my mirror image, I assumed that the side of my face which was the 'true' left, was on my left opposite me in the image. Get it? Actually, my true left was on the right from my perspective.

#4 made my face symmetrical to the right side. I looked like my KhoiKhoi ancestors: wide, high cheekbones, broad nose, mouth uplifted in a soft smile, eyes dreamy and inward looking, (need to go into the dark, cool shade - too much sun in the Kalahari desert). Actually, I wouldn't have survived looking like this. I need my left eye to see clearly, focus, direct me.

#5 put all four images next to each other on the same screen. The same person and yet so different. Four different images out of the same moment in time, when I was looking in one direction, thinking the same thought ('that dotted line is NOT straight'), and feeling the same sense of myself. It's all a question of perspective.

And how does it relate to my brain and the right and left hemispheres? Ok - that's just too complicated. But there is something profound and astounding about knowing my own mirror image so well, and yet being deceived in it.

When I think about it, I would say that the left side of my face is much more open, (not 'true'), my left eye dominant and wide ('true' according to #2). But on a subliminal level, I think my left side is on my right - because when I look at you the left side of your face is on my right. Because my head turns slightly left, that dotted line going down the 'middle' of my face is actually much closer to my left ear than my right. My midline is not equidistant from my ears. Therefore the image of me symmetrical to my left side is narrow and piercing, pinched and down-turned. But that doesn't mean it's True. It's just a perspective.

So what is true? If I were symmetrical there'd be no choice. I would be one thing or the other. Leftie would burn herself out, squeeze herself dry, be bitter and twisted, shrivel and die in a matter of months. Righteous would dream her life away, never drawn into her surroundings outside her skin. Because the space inside is so vast, she'd lose her way, wander the globe, unseeing, unresponsive, unexpressed. She'd be eaten alive in a few days.
Symmetry (perfection) is non-functional. We need asymmetry to survive - it's that fundamental. Poetry, beauty, deliciousness, sensuousness, curiosity, creativity, all overlay survival, like an inverse onion. And of course there would be other aspects to both Leftie and RIghteous. Leftie would also see clearly, have intention, be creative and receptive, imaginative and concerned. (This is me we're talking about after all). And Righteous would dream great dreams - but what use would they be without Leftie's impetus and drive? The fact is they need each other. They can't live without each other and though different from each other, they've lived so long together that they've merged and blurred their boundaries, re-shaped themselves into a whole that I call myself. They even swapped names - or is it sides? -so now I can't tell my right from my left. I can look at myself from many different perspectives, not just right and left. Think mirror balls, curved mirrors, fractals and holograms.

When you look at yourself from different perspectives, you learn about yourself in relationship to others and the environment. This is what working in the Feldenkrais Method® is about. More and more of yourself is seen, felt, and sensed, and your experience changes. Your self-image is filled out, clarified and richly colored. Your perspective changes, reality can be many different things. Your survival is less of an issue, and you have the opportunity to expand your consciousness and become fully human.

Integration, or searching for yourself

Integration is a fancy word but what does it actually mean? Primarily integration provides a sense of connection within and without; connection to self, other, the world and God. We all yearn for connection – to recapture what we once had and believe that we have lost. Integration is the jewel revealed when we peel away the layers of misunderstanding, mistreatment, misalignment, judgment, denial, tension, expectation and perspective - layers inflicted on us by parents, siblings, teachers and ourselves.


Integration means that I experience a spreading sense of harmony throughout myself. Each part of me sings its part in relationship. I am well-orchestrated. This provides me the opportunity to drop my preoccupations, obsessions and fixations. I am now able to respond from my whole self, my heart if you like, because I am not spending all my time and energy maintaining my balance, or uprightness, or holding in my outbursts, or suppressing my grief. Being integrated doesn’t mean that I will always be happy, or move like a superb athlete. It means that I become more myself, understanding what it means to be free, being in a state of listening and anticipation with the ability to respond to whatever comes my way. I am ready but not wary and watchful – except when I need to be. It is an open awareness that is comfortable and easy. My life is graceful. When there is stagnation, I recognize it and find a way to move through it. My periods of being stuck last minutes rather than years. I have more and more experiences of congruence, connection, harmony, effective thought and action. I am free to think, act, sense and feel, to express my humanity.

m'illumino (www.m-illumino.com) provides an ideal environment where you can find ease, grace, freedom, and the conditions and opportunities that naturally direct you to discover yourself. Where you can let go of the relentless holding on that is exhausting and weakening. Where you can practice the discipline needed to focus inwardly, reach for yourself, expand into yourself. Discover connections within yourself, with others and in the world. That's integration.

'You cannot transcend what you do not know. To go beyond yourself, you must know yourself.'
Sri Nisargadatta Mahahraj

Relaxing your eyes and seeing more

This morning I woke up with the remnants of a dream flitting through my mind. My waking was slow and gentle. I felt good – rested and content.

But I wanted to remember the elusive details of my dream which were flitting and fluttering away. I was aware of frowning a little and tightening my mouth. My eyes felt dry and tired, and then, the familiar tension in my shoulder started up again. I could feel myself becoming more and more anxious and on the verge of irritability. What was the matter with me? I tossed over onto my side and curled up to keep warm for the last few seconds before dragging myself out of bed. What was the dream though? It certainly hadn’t done me any good – at least trying to remember it hadn’t done me any good! I found myself clutching my hands together and clenching my teeth.

Later on when I was at my studio, I still felt out of sorts. My client has pain on her right side as if a rib is poking into her; she feels contracted on her left side and her left leg feels longer than her right. She lay on her back on the table and we began to work. I was drawn to her head and face and began to gently touch her skull and neck. As I turned her head one way and then the other I talked about the 14 bones in her skull. I began with the hyoid bone, horseshoe shaped and non-articulating, resting on the thyroid cartilage, fairly deep in her throat but accessible. I talked about her tongue resting on the hyoid. Her jaw relaxed and then I noticed that mine did too. The discomfort in my shoulder was lessening, my breathing becoming freer.

I put my hand on her forehead and began to roll her head gently. I felt her smooth skin, and bone underneath it. An image of the sphenoid bone flashed into my mind and then I could see it under my hand: the beautiful and mysterious mask-like bone that sits above the cheekbones, behind the eyes and underneath the temporal bones. Beautiful because it’s shaped like a butterfly and mysterious because of the two slits in the front where nerves and channels and sinews pass through to the brain. My attention was open; I was observing myself as much as I was observing my client. My eyes softened and I was aware of seeing forward, what I was looking at, and also all around the periphery of my eye sockets. I could also sense myself filling out the space behind me. I could feel myself in three dimensions. As I suggested to my client to imagine her eyes like deep lakes, expanding up into her eyebrows, down into her cheekbones, out to her temples and in towards her nose, I did the same. We imagined the lakes of our eyes deepening backwards to the sea bed of our skull, and then forwards, as if taking in the sky.

We completed our session. My client sat on the edge of the table. Her eyes were clear and wide and her face soft and glowing. When she stood she felt stable and evenly balanced on both her feet. There was no compression on her left side and the pain on her right had gone. She commented that she felt more alive and was looking forward to her walk around Green Lake. ‘I feel light and free,’ she said, ‘I feel I could float out of here like a bubble…or a butterfly leaving streams of light behind me.’

After she left I walked out into the courtyard. It was a murky morning, fairly cold and wet, but I noticed sprinkles of light on the plants and sparkles playing on the water in the fountain. The colors were bright and deep at the same time and the range of shades and hues seemed infinite. I couldn’t stop seeing and looking for more. I sat down on the little stone wall in the front of the plant bed. Again the image of my sphenoid bone flashed through my mind. It turned into a gorgeous butterfly hovering behind my eyes.

And then I remembered my dream. It had been a brief shimmer of a moth gliding through the midnight dark, flashes of color on its wings in the faint moonlight, and a long sinuous tail floating behind it.


Bridget Thompson is a Feldenkrais Practitioner and director of M’illumino, Movement Arts and Education which is dedicated to your learning and your transformation. http://www.m-illumino.com/